Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case. "Look," said one, "let's be honest with each other." "Okay, you first," replied the other. That was the end of the discussion.

A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "Only a shilling to bury an attorney?", said the Justice, "Here's a guinea, go and bury 20 of them."

A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly. "Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone. "I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered. "Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client. The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night." "Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again. "Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!" "I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."

I broke a mirror the other day. That's seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

A man walked into the local Chamber of Commerce of a small town, obviously desperate. Seeing a man at the counter, the stranger asks, "Is there a criminal attorney in town?" To which the man behind the counter immediately quipped, "Yes, but we can't prove it yet!"

Jury: A collection of people banded together for the purpose of deciding which side has hired the better lawyer.

A lawyer charged a client $500.00 for legal services. The client paid him with crisp new $100.00 bills. After the client left, the lawyer discovered that two of the bills had stuck together -- he'd been overpaid by $100.00. The ethical dilemma for the lawyer: Should he tell his partner?

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates. "$50.00 for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that kinda steep?", asked the man while dolling out the $50.00. "Yes," answered the lawyer, "what's your third question?"

An attorney, addressing the jury and speaking of his client who recently killed his parents: "Dear ladies and gentlemen, please take marcy and release this poor orphan."