Q. How do you tell an extrovert computer engineer??
A. He stares at YOUR shoes when he talks to you!!
A man wanted a hundred dollar bill tatooed to his penis. So he goes to a Tattoo Shop and makes the request. The Tatoo designer tells him that it would cost him $1000.00 to do the special bizarre request. The guy thinks for a while and decides that its a fair price. The designer starts the tatoo-ing and in the middle of the job asks the man, "Why are you doing this?"The man replies, "That's personal."With that, the designer continues to do the tattoo. The designer intrigued by such a bizarre request he tells the customer, "I'll waive the $1000.00 if you tell me why you are doing this."The man thinks again and replies, "Okay, that's reasonable."The man continues, "There are three reasons, first I like to play with money, second I like to watch money grow, and third and the most important, if my wife wants to blow a hundred, well, she can do right at home"
Q. What do you call a blonde who just lost 99%
of her smarts?
A. Divorced
Three women were dressing after an aerobics workout
and talking about their spouses. "My husband," said the first, "is a marriage
counselor. He always buys me candy or flowers before we make love.""Mine
is a jeweler," the second said. "He always brings me a pearl or two before
we make love."The third woman paused. "Well," she finally said, "my husband
works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how
great it's going to be when I get it."
"Queen Elizabeth is the whitest person in the
world."
--Bette Midler
"I'm Jewish. I don't workout. If God had intended
me to bend over, he'd have put diamonds on the floor."
--Joan Rivers
"Sometimes I feel like an old hooker."
--Cher
"I'm not a fighter, I have bad reflexes. I was
once run over by a car being pushed by two guys."
--Woody Allen
"It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the
radio on."
--Marilyn Monroe on posing nude for a calender
"It's not the most intellectual job in the world,
but I do have to know the letters."
--Vanna White
"Exercise daily. Eat wisely. Die anyway."
--Unknown
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