Q: What goes, "Click, click, click, click, did I get it? Click, click, click, click, did I get it?"
A: A blind person playing with a Rubik's Cube.

As a show of love, business partners Richard and Stanford agreed that whoever died first, the other would put five thousand dollars cash in his coffin. As it happened, when Stanford died Richard was so distraught that he made the cheque out for ten thousand dollars.

Feeling nostalgic, the seventy-five-year-old Mr. Thomas drove with his wife to the nursery school where they'd first met. Outside, they stood before th old oak tree where he'd carved "JT loves ML" inside a heart; they peered into the windows at the corner where he'd stolen his first playful kiss from his future bride. As they drove home, the Thomases found themselves behind the armored car; when the Brinks truck hit a pothole, a fat canvas bag dropped out, and the couple stopped to retrieve it. "My God," said Mrs. Thomas, looking inside, "there must be half a million dollars in there." Scrupulously honest, Mr. Thomas said, "Maisie........we must give it back." "Like hell we will," she snapped, and they drove home. The next day two insurance agents came to their door. "We're talking to all the people in the neighborhood," said the one, "to see if they found a bag with money in it." "No," said Maisie. "Yes," replied her guilt-stricken husband. Maisie fired him a withering glance, then said to the agents, "You'll have to excuse my husband.........he's senile." "No, I'm not," he insisted, holding the agents with a steady gaze. "Maisie and I were driving home from nursery school and......" "Come on," said the agent to his associate, "let's go to the next house." The phone rang at the fire station: "Hurry!!" said the panicked voice, "we've got a big fire at the store!!" "How do we get there?" the fire fighter demanded. "Dammmit," shouted the caller, "USE THE BIG RED TRUCK!!!!"

Jesus was strolling through Heaven when he saw an old man sitting on a cloud, staring disconsolately into the distance. "Old man," said Jesus, "this is Heaven! Why are you so sad?" The old man didn't bother to turn as he said, "I've been looking for my son and haven't been able to find him." Jesus said, "Tell me about it." "Well," said the old man, still gazing at the sunlit horizon, "on the earth I was a carpenter, and one day my son went away. I never heard from him again, and I was hoping I'd find him here, in Heaven." His heart pounding suddenly in his chest, Jesus bent over the old man and said, "Father?" The old man turned and cried, "Pinocchio?"

You are in a room with Sadam Hussain, Colonel Gadaffi and lawyer. You have a gun with 2 two bullets. What do you do? Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure.

A ham sandwich walked into a bar and asked for a drink. The bartender said "Sorry, we don't serve food here"