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Jokes for You from ChooseIndia

Notice on the Washing Machine: Please remove the clothes when green light turns red.
Signboard outside clinic: Doctor out of town for a week. Till then, be patient!
Notice outside electronic shop: Exchange everything for new. T.V. Refrigerator etc. Bring you wife for excellent bargain.
Sheila: You know, a lot of men are going to be miserable when I marry.
Leela: Really?
How many men are you going to marry?
Movies they see:
Expecting mothers: Babe
Botanists: Poison lvy
Doctors: The English Patient
Snipers: A Time to Kill
Gardeners: Jurassic Park
Painters: Colour of Night
Baseball Players: First Strike
Paparazzi: Hot Shots
Mountaineers: Rocky
Fishermen : The Net
How to double your money:
Fold it over once and put it back in your pocket.
Conversation overheard in a store:
"Do you have any four-volt, two watt bulbs?
"For what?"
"No, two"
"Two what?
A woman murdered her husband. When she was produced before the judge, she pleaded guilty but requested the judge to take note of the fact that it was her first murder and that she was a widow now, with two infant daughters.
Marriage vows might be more accurate if they were changed to read "Until debt do us part.

Lawyer: Where did the car hit him?
Witness: At the junction of the dorsal and cervical verte-brae.
Lawyer: My God! I've lived in this town for 20 years and I never heard of such places.

George: I'm really worried.
John: Why?
George: Well, my wife read A Tale of Two Cities and we had twins.
Later she read The Three Musketeers and we had triplets.
Now she is reading Birth of a Nation.

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