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Jokes for You from ChooseIndia

Guy 1: Are there any alligators in this pond
Guy 2: No
Guy 1: So I can swim here without being attacked by an alligator
Guy 2: Yes
(Guy 1 goes in the pond)
Guy 1: How came there are no alligators in this pond
Guy 2: They are afraid of sharks
   
Nervous passenger in the Titanic : How far are we from land?
Captain : About two miles
Passenger : Is that all? How wonderful. In which direction?
Captain : Downwards
   
I could have been a judge but I lacked a strong constitution
I could have been a saint but I could never keep my peace of mind
I could have been an ace marksman but I was riddled with doubts about my talent
   
Teacher : There is no difficulty in this world we cannot overcome
Student : Have you  tried squeezing toothpaste back into the tube
   
What did the Kangaroo say when it found it's baby missing
"My pocket has been picked"
   
Student: I want to fight corruption. What should I do?
Teacher : Try to reach a high office or enter politics
Student : And how do I reach there?
Teacher : With the help of corruption and nepotism
   
Doctor : How's the patient feeling?
Nurse : Oh, he is much better. He started talking this morning.
Doctor : What did he say?
Nurse : He said, he is feeling much worse.
   
Student : I don't think I deserve a zero.
Teacher : I agree with you, but that's the lowest I am allowed to give.
   
Why did Eve never quarrel with Adam?
Because she had no mother to go back to. 

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