This guy was driving down the highway and was pulled over by the cops. The cop asked the man for his name and the guy replied, "Earl." "You got a last name, Earl?" "Nope. It's a long story, Officer." "I got time." Earl sighs and says, "Well, Officer, at first I was known as Earl Doo-Daa. I was going to school to become a doctor, and I did, so I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, MD. I got bored just being a doctor so I went to dental school, graduated, and became Earl Doo-Daa, M.D., D.D. After a little more time I fooled around with this girl and got VD. So I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, MD, DD, with VD. When the medical board found out about my VD they took away my MD so I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, DD with VD. The dentistry board also found out about the VD and took away my DD making me Earl Doo-Dah with VD. Finally, the VD took away my Doo-Dah so I'm now just Earl."

A man goes into a restaurant, sits down at a table and, when the waitress asks for his order, says, "I want a quickie." She slaps his face and asks, "Now would you please give me your order?" Again, he says, "I want a quickie." She slaps him again and says, "I'll give you one last chance; what do you want?" Someone from the next table leans over and says quietly to the man, "I think it's pronounced QUICHE." =

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says "Doc, I'm getting married this week-end and my fiancee thinks I'm a virgin, is there anything you can do to help me"? After the doctor stopped laughing, he says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try...on the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh, when your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping." The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for this.
They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in", she snaps the elastic band, and the hubby asks, "what was that?  The wife explains, "oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping". The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!!!!"

Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A1: They can't find the zipper.
A2: They cant find the pull tab.

Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.