Jokes for You from Chooseindia
joke                          joker

An attorney representing himself in a case for recovery of his own fees had his case dismissed because he failed to appear for a court hearing. Plaintiff subsequently filed a motion requesting relief from the judgment of dismissal based upon the theory that it wouldn't be fair to penalize the client for the mistake of his attorney. Defendants filed their opposition to the motion, which included the following excerpt:
"Uniquely, Plaintiff herein, an attorney litigating in propria persona, is alleging that he has caused his client (himself) irreparable harm for which he should not be made to bear the mistakes of his attorney (also himself). Defendants, jokingly, have dubbed this the 'Sybil' defense." Stein v. Willow Beach / Colorado River Recreation Association (1995) Los Angeles County Municipal Court, Case No. SB94C02433

  • "We can imagine no reason why, with ordinary care, human toes could not be left out of chewing tobacco, and if toes are found in chewing tobacco, it seems to us that somebody has been very careless." Pillars v. R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Co. (Miss. 1918) 78 So. 365, 366
  • "This case presents the perhaps unprecedented situation of a court, as litigant, petitioning itself, as court, for relief." In re Skupniewitz (7th Cir. 1996) 73 F.3d 702
  • "Plaintiffs also contend that parachute jumping falls within the right to travel protected by the Fourteenth Amendment." Skydiving Center v. St. Mary's County Airport Commission (D. Md. 1993) 823 F.Supp. 1273, 1279 fn.2

How many lawyers does it take to shingle a roof?
3 1/2 if you slice em' right.

One day a Pope and a lawyer die. They arrive at the Pearly Gates together and are ushered in. Angel Gabriel accompanies them with much fanfare on his trumpet. Gabriel leads the two along a huge corridor lined with doors. After a while he stops at one of the doors and opens it. He tells the Pope, "this is your room, I hope it is satisfactory". The Pope sees that the room has a bed, chair, desk and a small radio/TV. Gabriel then leads the lawyer to the end of the hall, and stops at a huge double-doorway. He opens the massive door and the lawyer is stunned to see a kingsize waterbed, a pool table, a massive home entertainment unit and a well stocked wine bar. The lawyer gasped when told that this was his room. "There must be some mistake!" exclaimed the lawyer. "Surely a room so grand as this would be reserved for someone like the Pope". Angel Gabriel turned to the lawyer and said, "Oh,no, there is no mistake. We have dozens of Popes. But you are our first lawyer!!".

What is the difference between a female lawer and a bulldog?

Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
Yeah, it comes with all of Ken's stuff.

What's the problem with lawyer jokes?
Lawyer's don't think they're funny and no one else thinks they're jokes.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
None if they still have a secretary.

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