Jokes for You from Chooseindia
joke                          joker

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get outof the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I  couldn'thelp but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't helpbut notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

Two idiots drove to a gas station in a remote district for a fill-up because they heard about a contest being offered by the stations patrons to anybody who purchase a full tank of gas. When they went inside to pay, the man asked the attendant about the contest. The attendant Said "If you win, you're entitled to free SEX," and the man asked how can he enter the contest. The attendant explained "Well, I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess it right you win Free SEX."
So the idiot filled up and asked to play the contest and said " I Guess 7" said the idiot. "Sorry I was thinking of 8," replied the attendant. Then next week, the two returned to the same gas station to get gas. When they went inside to pay, one idiot asked the attendant if the contest was still going on. "Sure," replied the attendant. I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right, you win free sex. "2" said the idiot. "Sorry, I was thinking of 3," replied the attendant. Come back soon and try again.
As the two idiots were walking back to the car, one idiot said to the other, "You know, I'm beginning to think this contest is rigged."
"No way," said the other idiot, "My wife won twice last week."
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one look at the woman and all professionalism is thrown out the window. He instructs the patient to undress. Once she has disrobed, the doctor begins to stroke her thigh and asks, "Do you know what I am doing?" "Sure," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.""That's right," says the doctor. He then fondles her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks. "Sure," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer." "That's right," replies the doctor. He then removes his pants and proceeds to have
intercourse with the woman. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks. "Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."

Three prospective church goers attend a meeting with the clergy of a local church and ask to become members. The three, an older couple, a middle age couple and a young newlywed couple are told that to become members it is required that they abstain from sex for two full weeks and then return. Two weeks pass and all three return and the clergyman asks each couple if they have fulfilled the requirement laid out at the first meeting. The elderly gentleman says that they have and are ready to join the church. The middle age couple advise that the first week was okay but during the second week the husband had to sleep on the couch. Nonetheless, they made it and are ready to join the church. The newlyweds hang their heads and the husband says, "Well, father, my wife was bending over taking something from the freezer the day after our meeting and I couldn't stop myself. I took her right on the spot."
"I'm sorry," says the clergyman to the young couple, "but, you are forbidden from
coming back to this church.""I figured that," says the husband, "cause we can't go back to the grocery store either."
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