MICROSOFT vs. GM
This is a worthwhile uppdate of an old joke. Enjoy
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly
compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated 'If GM
had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all
be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal.'
Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing
the statement 'Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?'
And...
- Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
- Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
- Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
- You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT'. But, then you would have to buy more seats.
- Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
- The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
- The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car default' warning light.
- New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
- The airbag system would say 'are you sure?' before going off.
GATES IN HELL
The US Justice Department - unable to sentence Bill Gates to any meaningful economic fine decided that his punishment would be more severe - and sentenced him to eternity in Hell.
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. You've arrived on a day when I'm in a good mood, so I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever." Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are being tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are being chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a beautiful young woman with an alluring look on her face, at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine.
To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner.
Without hesitation thinking he outsmatred the devil, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan then locks the door.
As Satan turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best room in the house?"
"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.
"The vintage bottle of wine you see - It has a hole in it.
"That Beautiful young lady - She doesn't"
"What about the PC?"
"Oh, If you look carefully, you'll see that it crashed!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys"
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
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