A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce.
The attorney asked, "May I help you?" The farmer said, "Yea, I want to
get one of those dayvorce's."
The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?" The farmer said,
"Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, " No, you don't understand,
do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have
a John Deere."
The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"
The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere."
The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear that to church on Sundays."
The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up
The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."
Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. "WHY DO
YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"
And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation
Three couples were on their way to a party in a minivan one winter
evening, and as they were rounding the turn the driver lost control of
the vehicle, which ran off the road and down a hillside, bursting into
flame and killing everyone inside.
Very shortly thereafter, the three couples appeared before St. Peter.
Peter pointed an accusing finger at one of the men and said, "YOU?
All YOU ever thought about in life was drinking! You drank every morning,
every evening, on the weekends, at lunch...you even married a girl named
He pointed at the second man and said, "And YOU! You thought of nothing
but money! Everything in your life had to do with greed, money, making
money, keeping money, making more money...you even married a girl named
The third man took his wife's hand and began walking away. "Come on,
Fanny, I don't want to wait around to hear what he has to say to us."
A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" ask
the interviewer. "Yes, I was a marine," responded the applicant. "Did you
see any active duty?" "I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial
disability." "May I ask what happened?" "Well, I had a grenade go off between
my legs and I lost both testicles." "You're hired. You can start Monday
at 10 am." "When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential
treatment because of my disability." "Everyone else starts at 7 am but
I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10.
We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."
There was a young man in the Air Force who was so well- endowed that
it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force doctors and one Air Force nurse
were in the operating room to remedy the situation. The first doctor said,
"We'll just take a big hunk off the end." They discussed it and decided
that would affect his sensitivity.
The second doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk out of the middle
of it." They discussed this, and decided it would change the texture and
feel of it.
The third doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the base of
it." They discussed this, too, and agreed that it might give him erection
The doctors heard a sniffling, and looked over at the nurse who had
tears running down her cheeks. The nurse cried, "Can't we just make his