A young teenager comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?" "Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it. "But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out?"

A few miles down the road he saw another man out in the fields frenziedly bonking a sheep. Appalled at having witnessed a second case of bestiality in less than an hour, he whispered several prayers, crosses himself fervently, and drove on. Finally, on the outskirts of town, he caught sight of a man leaning against a tree and masturbating enthusiastically. The young priest, then and there decided grimly on the topic of his first sermon. "As I approached this fair town," he began that Sunday, "I witnessed three abominations. First, on the roadside a man committing an unnatural act with a sheep. Shortly thereafter was another man in a field committing the same unnatural act with another sheep! And third, at the very outskirts of this town, a man was committing an unnatural act with himself!" A voice spoke up from somewhere in the congregation, "Aye, that'll be old Paddy Fitzpatrick. He never could catch a sheep!"

Sex Research for the Innocent Woman
The following information was gained through much arduous research involving men and women from all backgrounds and walks of life. It consists of the most often asked questions of women (i.e.. relationships, sex and life in general). All women who read this are encouraged to use the wisdom contained therein to change their behavior in accordance with the truths established below.

Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex men are much more responsible, Since they're not emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.

Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.

Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.