How many lawyer jokes are there?
Just two, all the rest are true.
A bored truck driver had a nasty habit of swerving to
hit attorneys he found walking along side of the highway. One day as he
was driving along he came across a Nun who appeared to be having car trouble.
Pulling over to offer the Nun a ride to the nearest service station, the
Nun graciously thanked the driver for stopping and accepted his offer.
After driving a few miles the truck driver saw an attorney walking along
the highway. As was his custom, the truck driver swerved to hit the attorney
but, at the last moment, remembered he had the Nun as a passenger and abruptly
swerved away to avoid hitting the attorney. Surprised upon hearing a loud
'thump' as he passed the attorney, the truck driver peered in his rear
view only to see the attorney lying injured along side of the road. "I'm
so sorry Sister, I thought I missed hitting that attorney!" the truck driver
plead. "You did my son, but I got him with the door!" gleed the Nun.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. "Do you serve
lawyers in here?", the man inquires.
"Sure do!", replied the bartender.
"Great!", the man said. "I'll have a Coors Light, and
how 'bout a lawyer for my 'gator."
The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps,
so he went to law school. He graduated with honors, and then went home
to join his father's firm. At the end of his first day at work he rushed
into his father's office, "Father, father, in one day I broke that accident
case that you've been working on for the past four years!" "You did what!"
His father exclaimed. "You idiot, what do you think put you through law
A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being
taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer
was having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman. "What a
ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that
lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." Jabbing the man with his
pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's
A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house
in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks every year. Each
summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his (no, that's not
the punch line) to spend a week or two at this home, which happened to
be in a backwoods. On one particular occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian
friend to stay with him. The friend, eager to get a freebee off a lawyer,
agreed. They had a splendid time in the country - rising early and living
in the great outdoors. Early one morning, the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian
companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they
went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous
quantities, along came two huge Bears - a male and a female. The lawyer,
seeing the two bears and sensing danger, immediately dashed for cover.
His friend, however, being ignorant of nature, was not so lucky. The male
bear charged the paralyzed Czechoslovakian, then swallowed him whole. The
lawyer, instilled with fright, rushed back to his car and sped into town
to get the local sheriff. The sheriff, upon hearing the lawyer's unsettling
story, grabbed his rifle and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer
following closely behind. Sure enough, the two bears were still there.
"He's in THAT one!", cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, all the while
visions of lawsuits from his friend's family lagged in the back of his
mind. He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the two bears,
and without batting an eye, leveled his rifle, took careful aim, and SHOT
THE FEMALE. "What did you do that for!", exclaimed the lawyer, "I said
he was in the other one!" "Exactly," replied the sheriff, "Would YOU believe
a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?"