Jokes for You from Chooseindia
joke                          joker

What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

A lawyer is standing at the gates to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:

  1. Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty.
  2. Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.
  3. Overcharging fees to many clients.
  4. Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case. And the list goes on for quite awhile. The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, "Wait, I've done some charity in my life also." St. Peter looks in his book and says,"Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?" The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, "Yes!" St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and whispers, "Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell!"

What educational programs should the United States support to alleviate the burgeoning US-Japan trade imbalance?
Japanese language lessons for lawyers.

A lawyer named 'Strange' was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. "Here lies an honest man and a lawyer," responded the lawyer. "Sorry, but I can't do that," replied the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put 'Here lies an honest lawyer'." "But that won't let people know who it is," protested the lawyer. "It most certainly will," retorted the stonecutter. "People will read it and exclaim, "That's Strange!"

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can't understand.

An attorney passed on and found himself in Heaven. Not at all happy with his accommodations, he complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The attorney immediately advised St. Peter that he intended to appeal. The attorney was immediately informed that it would be at least three years before his appeal could be heard. The attorney protested that a three-year wait was unconscionable, however his words fell on deaf ears. The lawyer was then approached by Satan, who told him that he would be able to arrange his appeal to be heard in just a few days, but only if the attorney stipulated to change the venue to Hell. When the attorney inquired as to why appeals could be heard so much faster in Hell, Satan gleefully exclaimed, "Who do you think has all of the judges!"

What is a criminal lawyer?

George and Harry set out in a trans-Atlantic hot air balloon race. After 37 hours in the air and appearing lost, George offers, "We had better lose some altitude Harry so we can see exactly where we are." Hesitantly, Harry lets some hot air out of the balloon, and it begins to slowly descend below the cloud cover. Still confused as to their exact location George again offers, "I still can't tell where we are Harry, let's ask that gentleman down there on the ground." Harry yells down to the stranger, "Hey, Mister can you tell us where we are?" "You're in a balloon about 100 feet up in the air," came the reply. "That man must be a lawyer," George quipped. "How can you tell?" said Harry. "Because the advice he just gave us is 100% accurate and totally useless!"

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