There once was a farmer who had a few chickens. For financial reasons, the farmer wanted to increase the egg production from his chickens and go into business. And so, the farmer set out to buy a rooster. He drove across the county to another farm that had many chickens and roosters. The first farmer asks, "I'd like to buy a rooster." The second farmer says, "No problem. What's he for?" The first farmer says, "I want a rooster so that my chickens can have more chickens and lay more eggs." The second farmer points to a rooster, "Okay. Take Brewster over there... he'll do all your chickens for you." The rooster he pointed out was lying on his back and breathing heavily. The first farmer exclaims, "What? You've got to be kidding. That rooster is practically dead! He's breathing like there's no tomorrow." The second farmer says, "Don't worry, he'll do fine. I guarantee he'll do all your chickens and you'll end up with more eggs than you could ever imagine." Well, the first farmer thinks about it, and finally agrees, "Okay. A guarantee is a guarantee. Sold." He scoops up Brewster and lays him in the back of his truck. As soon as the farmer pulls into his yard, Brewster leaps out of the truck and grabs a
chicken. After he's done with one, he does another, and another... The farmer says, "Take it easy Brewster! You're going to hurt yourself!" Brewster just waves, grabs another chicken, and nails that one too. He proceeds to do all the chickens just as the other farmer had promised. When he finishes the chickens, he runs after the dog, and does him too. The farmer is starting to get a little worried. Brewster then does the cat, the horse, and all the other farm animals too. He then starts chasing after the farmer's wife! Some time passes and the farmer can't find Brewster anywhere. He looks everywhere and eventually finds the poor rooster on his back, motionless, with a flock of vultures circling overhead. The farmer cries out to himself, "Oh no! I told him to be careful! Now look what's happened." Brewster opens one eye and whispers, Shhh! They're about to land."
A lady awoke one morning and discovered her dog was not moving. She called her vet who asked her to bring the dog in. After a brief examination, the vet pronounced the dog dead. "Are you sure?", the distraught woman asked. "He was a great family pet. Isn't there anything else you can do?" The vet paused for a moment and said, "There is one more thing we can do." He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with a cat in it. The vet pened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog. The cat sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage. "Well, that confirms it." the vet announced. "Your dog is dead." satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the woman sighed, "How much do I owe you?" "That will be $330." the vet replied."I don't believe it!" screamed the woman. "What did you do that cost $330?" "Well", the vet replied, "it's $30 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."
A horse and a chicken were playing in a meadow. The horse fell into a mud hole and is started to sink. The horse instructed the chicken to get the farmer so that he could be pulled to safety. The chicken ran to the farm but the farmer was nowghere to be found. Without a moment to spare, the chicken got into the farmer's BMW and drove back to the mud hole. Then, the chicken tied some rope around the bumper, threw the other end of the rope to her friend, the horse, and proceeded to pull the horse to safety. A few days later, the chicken and the horse were playing in the meadow again. This time around, the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken instructed the horse to get the farmer so that she could be pulled to safety. Replied the horse, "Here's the plan... I'll stand over the hole..." The horse stretched over the length of the hole and continued, "Now, just grab for my penis and pull yourself to saftey." The chicken obliged reluctantly and pulled herself to safety. The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
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