Jesus walks into a hotel and throws 3 nails on
the counter and says "Can you put me up for the night?"
And then there's the story about the Dumb Blonde
who had 6 young boys, all of whom she named "Jimmy.". Then came Boy #7.
She named him Jimmy, too. Finally, her Aunt asked, "Why did you name all
these boys 'Jimmy'?" The Dumb Blonde said, "So I can keep track of 'em."
The Aunt gave her a wild look. "So you can keep track of 'em? How the hell
can you do that when they're all named Jimmy?" The Dumb Blonde shrugged,
said, "No problem. I just call them by their last names..."
Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old
man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.
A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his
49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced
shooting beer cans off each other's head.
A company trying to continue its five-year perfect
safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of
safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the
film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five
workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room.
Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut
his head falling off a chair while watching the film.
The Chico, California, City Council enacted a
ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within
city limits.
A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car
in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians
had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and
back pain.
Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored
13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page
manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper
in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.
A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C.,
then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery.
At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had
him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned
to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated
a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with
wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the
copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect
wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the
suspect confessed.
When two service station attendants in Ionia,
Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man
threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called
the police and was arrested.
A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired
of walking," stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until
an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.
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