Windows 3.x Beer:
The world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz
can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS
Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously,
but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially
slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes,
for no apparent reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open
Windows 95 Beer:
The newest beer on the market. A lot of people
have tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks like Mac and OS/2
Beer's can, but tastes like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz cans, but
when you look inside, the cans only have 16-oz of beer in them. Most people
will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows
95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the
small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS and Mac
Beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new
Windows NT Beer:
Comes in 32-oz cans, but you can only buy it
by the truckload. This causes most people to go out and buy bigger refrigerators.
The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to
change the can to look like Windows 95 Beer's, after Windows 95 Beer starts
shipping well. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only
for use in bars.
Microsoft have announced that their latest Operating
system - Windows 98 is to be renamed prior to its launch, to "Diana".
A spokesman from Microsoft said that it was in
tribute to the late Princess of Wales and is a fitting name for a product
that will look flash, be mostly superficial, consume vast amounts of resources
and crash spectacularly.
Three women are sitting in a bar talking about
their love lives.
The first one says, "My husband is an architect.
When we make love it has power, it has form, it has function. It's incredible!"
The second one says, "My husband is an artist.
When we make love it has passion, it has emotion, it has vision. It's wonderful!"
The third woman sighs and sips her margarita,
then says, "My husband works for Microsoft. When we make love, he just
sits at the end of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when
it gets here."
If restaurants functioned like Microsoft
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill and I'll be your
Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Customer: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there
Customer: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup;
try eating it with a fork instead.
Customer: Even when I use the fork, the fly is
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the
bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Customer: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a
configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Customer: You brought it to me on a saucer; what
has that to do with the fly in my soup?
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before
you noticed the fly in your soup?
Customer: I sat down and ordered the Soup of
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the
latest Soup of the Day?
Customer: You have more than one Soup of the
Day each day?
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every
Customer: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Customer: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and
the check. I'm running late now.
[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl
of soup and the check.]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your
Customer: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Customer: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
Customer: Waiter! Now there's a mosquito in my
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . $ 5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . $ 2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . . $10.00
Bug in the soup........included at no extra charge
(will be fixed with Tomorrow's soup of the day)