Microsoft-Lewinsky Connection?
All this talk lately about what to call Clinton's latest escapade. Tail-gate, forni-gate, Monica-gate, ... not to mention all the other scandals he's been accused of participating in.
Perhaps it's time to just lump them all together as a set -- the "Bill-gates".
No, wait, that could be confusing. After all, the president is accused of using his power and prestige to screw lots of people where as the head of Microsoft is being accused of.. um... Oh never mind.
Bill and the Police
"Brussels police department, how may I assist you?"
"Uh.. yes.. I just got hit in the face with a cream pie."
"Okay, sir. Have you called the Brussels police department before?"
"No"
"Well, let me get a little information about you for our records. Your name?"
"Bill Gates"
"Country?"
"The USA"
"Native language?"
"English"
"Okay, sir. Your police department ID number is BP31415927. Please use this number the next time you call. Now, you say you were hit in the face with a pie?"
"Yes, I was just about to meet with the Belgian Prime Minister. One person distracted me while another hit me with a cream pie."
"We've had other customers report that they were hit in the face with a custard pie. Are you sure it was a cream pie?"
"Well, I have white stuff all over my face and I don't see any custard, so I really don't think it was a custard pie."
"Have you visited the Prime Minister before?"
"Yes"
"Were you hit in the face with a pie then?"
"No"
"Hmm... have you visited any other Prime Ministers in the past month?"
"Yes"
"Any pies then?"
"No"
"Okay, well.. let's try something. Go outside the building and come in again. I'll wait."
"Just a minute.."
"Okay, I'm back."
"Did you get hit by another pie?"
"Of course not"
"Well sir, I don't know what could have caused the first pie, but it looks like things are working fine now. I'll make a note of the problem, though. If it happens again, please note the exact details of the situation and call us again. Thank you for calling the Brussels Police Department.
Top 15 Surprises in Bill Gates' New Mansion
- Sign over king-sized bed declares, "Use of the Words 'micro' and 'soft' strictly prohibited while in bedroom."
- No paintings, but live artists actually hanging on the wall.
- Drawbridge is raised and lowered by hand.
- Entire state of Rhode Island relocated to east wing.
- Raises guinea pigs in his bedroom for extra cash.
- No toilet paper, but handy stack of $100 bills.
- Secret passage in library leads to Nerdcave where Bill keeps the Nerdmobile.
- Zima on tap.
- Kato Kaelin sleeping in a corner of the trampoline room.
- Tasteful and elegant 30,000 sq.ft. Hall of People Whose Businesses I Have Personally and Single-Handedly Crushed.
- Basement shrine to Kelly Bundy.
- Hidden away in the attic: his beloved childhood calculator, Rosebud.
- Everywhere you look -- Women!
- With 27 bathrooms, there's never a need to ask, "Where do you want to go today?"
- Replica of the Eiffel Tower in the garden -- wait a minute... that's no replica!!
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