What's the similarity between Neighbours & Prince Charles?
Neighbours have Mrs Mangle, Charles has a mangled Mrs.
Bearing in mind the driver was pissed out of his head, Diana's family should forget trying to sue the paparazzi, they haven't got a leg to stand on.
What do Lady Di and the Beatles have in common?
They both made quite an impact over in Europe.
So they found out Princess Di had dandruff.
They found her "head and shoulders" in the back seat.
(Hint: Head and Shoulders = Dandruff Shampoo )
When Princess Di went out she said to her sons i'll be back in a Jiffe
What did Will Carling, get over Dodi Fayed.
Will Carling scored while Dodi Fayed hit the post.
Was it tactful to escort the coffin with cavalry officers... and then a load of high power motorbikes
(Hint: Major James Hewitt (cad, bounder and ex-lover of the her royalness) was an officer in the house hold cavalry. )
Diana's funeral song: "Looking for love in all the wrong places".
What is Dodi's new pet name for Di?
Squidgy
What were Dodi's last words?
'Faster! Faster!'
(Hint: The driver misunderstood the expressions of pleasure for orders... hence the accident. )
How do you make a hormone?
Put her in a car with an Egyptian playboy and a drunken driver.
Saint Peter asks Lady Di and her three companions why they're here at the Pearly Gates. Di and Dodi answer together, "It's the chauffeurs fault. He was driving like a bloody mad man." The chauffeur tries to defend himself, "No, that's not fair! We where all pretty shit-faced and they kept yelling, 'Faster! Faster! Don't stop! Don't stop!'" "We weren't bloody talking to you," explains Princess Di. Saint Peter turns to the bodyguard. "I don't even want to hear your story. Just go home and forget it."
What did they find in Diana's mouth ?
The tip of an Egyptian penis.
Why will they cremate Princess Di?
She won't fit into the coffin 'cause they can't get her to keep her legs closed!
Upon hearing about her death, one of Diana's lovers said, "Well now that's my Thursday night's f*cked... I wonder what Fergie's doing?"
Who was the last guy to f*ck princess Di?
The doctor who turned her life support machine off!
Have you heard about the Lady Di Inflatable Doll?
You can make the 'People's Princess' your own personal princess!
What are the last two things Dodi did?
Di
What would Diana be doing if she were alive today?
Trying to claw her way out of her coffin.
What is Diana doing right now?
Decomposing.
How do you make a princess blush?
take one leggy, knockout princess
place in a mercedes
crush thouroughly
place juices in a jug, add yeast, wait 7-14 days
strain and place in a nice decanter and...
voila... a princess blush
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