The one day this guy walks into a bar and sits down at one end. A group of three fellows are sitting at the other end of the bar. One of them notice's that it is Jesus, and says "Hey that's Jesus." The others realize this and they decide to be nice and buy him a beer. They call the bartender over and tell him to send him a beer. So the bartender fills up a beer and shoots it on down to Jesus. Jesus takes the beer and drinks it right down. After he is done, he gets up and walks over to the three guys. He says to them "I really appreciate what you've done for me, I'd like to help you out." He senses that the first guy has a bad elbow, so Jesus
touches the fellow on the arm. The guy feels no more pain in his arm, and he gets up, and he's swinging it around and goes running around the bar shaking everyone's hands. Jesus then walks over to the second man, and senses that he has a bad knee. He places his hand on the man's knee. The man stands up and there is no pain. He thinks it great and starts dancing around the bar, having a great time. Jesus walks up behind the third but senses nothing wrong with the man. So deciding to ask the man what he would like he reaches for the man. The man jumps back and shouts "Hey! Don't touch me! I'm on workers compensation!"
There's a man flying in a plane who seems a bit nervous. The man next to him says
"Driving in a car is more dangerous than flying. In fact, my best friend died in his car."
"Really, thats too bad. What happened?"
"A plane crashed into it."
There are 3 rings in marriage...
The engagement ring.
The wedding ring.
The suffering.
If everything is going well, you don't know what the hell is Going on.
No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong.
There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
Warning: Life is sexually transmitted.
3 guys working on a high rise building project, Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says," Someone should go and tell his wife."
Bill says," OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." 2 hours later, he comes back
carrying a 6-pack. Charlie says, "Where did you get that, Bill?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me." Charlie.
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer."
Bill says," Well not exactly, I said to her, when she answered the door, "You must be Steve's
widow."
She said, 'No, I'm not a widow'
and I said ' Wanna bet me a 6-pack?"
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