The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water.
After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief.
The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said: 'You know , I have a special gift, I can read minds.'
'Impossible', said the embarrassed man, 'You really know what I think?'
'Yes', the lady replied, 'Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom.'
A ten-year-old Jewish boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school. After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face. He went straight past them, right to his room and quietly closed the door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.
This pattern of behavior continued until it was time for the first quarter's report card. The boy walked in with it unopened - laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room.
Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement, she saw a large red 'A' under the subject of Math.
Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress.
"Was it the nuns that did it?" the father asked.
The boy shook his head and said "No."
"Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?"
"No."
"The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?"
"No", said the son.
"On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they meant business!"
I guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave. Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn.
She said, "Well... the minimum I could work for is four hundred a week."
I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure.
She shook her head and replied, "With pleasure, it'll be $600 a week."
Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
A: To keep her ankles warm.
A2: To keep her neck warm
Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with
her cigarette.
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