"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them."

An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes". The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..."
After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal.
"Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was."

There was a quality movement in the company, and it was very popular to form groups to focus on quality within the IS department. One group came up with this slogan - "Better Never then Late".

Twenty five best responses if found asleep at your desk

1. "...and I especially thank you for my excellent boss, Amen!"
2. "Oh, Man! Come in at 6 in the morning and look what happens!"
3. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
4. "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!"
5. "You don't discriminate against those with Latient Atrophy Zymosis Yeast syndrome, DO YOU?!?"
6. "Gee, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day."
7. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
8. "Oh, Hi, I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
10. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
11. "I was just meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
12. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
13. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
14. "I'm doing the "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend."
15. "It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?"
16. "This is a highly specific Yoga position to relieve work-related stress."
17. "Just pacing myself for the all-nighter tonight!"
18. "I was working smarter-not harder."
19. "Auggh! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
20. "I'm in the management training program."
21. "The coffee machine is broken...."
22. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
23. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
24. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"
25. "It's okay... I'm still billing the client."